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Part 2- Self-abandonment: How to break the cycle with embodied awareness

Christianne Zurowski

Updated: Nov 7, 2024

Recognizing Self-Abandonment: A Key to Living Authentically -Part 2

by Christianne Zurowski - ICF Certified Life Coach - B.A., B.Ed., C.O.C., C.E.C.

Oct 28, 2024

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What is that headache trying to tell you?

Breaking the Cycle of Self-Abandonment : Tuning Into Your Embodied Clues


If you’ve found your way to this Blog, I’m guessing that means you’ve already got your hands on my free resource "43 most common ways we self-abandon on the daily", and you've already highlighted a few ways you might be abandoning yourself.


But here's the thing—this list, it's just the tip of the iceberg.


Self-abandonment shows up everywhere, from your personal finances to your sex life. It's all the little ways we succumb to guilt and temptation or aren't self-confident enough to voice our own needs. It's the way we neglect our savings account, our bodies, our emotions and our overall well-being. The truth is, it’s hiding in the deep rooted patterns we've adopted since childhood.


So, what now?


The goal of the self-awareness exercise from my last blog wasn’t to create a checklist of all your faults; it was to start recognizing your behavior patterns. Once you spot them, step 2 is where you get to notice how your body reacts in each situation.


Uncovering your unconscious embodied responses.


I like to call these automatic responses our “poker tells.” They’re the subtle, physical signals that our body gives us to let us know when we’re about to self-sabotage. The sad thing is, it's much easier to spot someone else's poker tells than it is to see our own.


Some examples:


Maybe it’s a clenched jaw or a twitch in your right eye before you agree to attend yet another family dinner that drains your energy.


Or perhaps it’s that familiar knot in your stomach before you say "yes" to taking on extra work, knowing full well your weekend is already packed with family plans. You recognize that sense of dread, but you agree anyway, because… well, you feel like you should.


But... what if you could catch yourself in the act of self-abandonment?


Imagine pausing, noticing your body’s reactions, and stopping yourself BEFORE you say yes to something you’ll regret. What if you could reclaim your power and make conscious decisions that align with your values, rather than veering off course?


This is where the magic happens—becoming aware of your physical tells and mindfully choosing how you respond. Here are 2 embodied tips to get you started on tuning into your body’s cues:


1. Recognize the Physical Signals

Pay attention to what your body does right BEFORE you sell yourself short. Are there any tell-tale signs? Maybe you notice your breath getting shallow, your muscles tightening, or your gaze shifting. Be as specific as you can. This is your body's language and it's constantly talking to you, warning you and guiding you forward. In this case, these physical signals are your body’s way of warning you that you’re about to fall into the same old pattern.


2. Use Hindsight to Learn

If recognizing those signals in the moment feels difficult, don’t worry—start with hindsight. Reflect on how your body reacted during the last interaction to remember. How about right after? Tracking your embodied responses in the aftermath can help you know what to look for next time. With practice, you will eventually be able to be aware of them in real time.


Time to Break the Cycle


By tracking your embodied patterns, you can consciously create a new path forward.

This change is called neuroplasticity, which is when your brain creates new neural pathways. You see, the more we repeat our patterns the more entrenched the neural pathway in our brain gets. Thankfully, neuroscientists have proven that change can happen by either changing your mindset or changing your physical habits.


It's important to note that changing a physical cue or reaction is MUCH quicker & easier than sifting through the emotional baggage and resistance that comes with mindset work. Which is exactly why I'm so passionate about embodied work!


Anyway, back to the topic at hand: breaking the self-abandonment cycle.


If we see our brain's pattern of self-neglect as a dingy old overused highway that always has bumper to bumper traffic and some very unpleasant potholes too, then making a change to our physical response is like building a brand new offramp.


The more you tune into your body’s cues, the easier it will be to see the exit ramp on time, and then steer clear of the old cycle of self-abandonment. Soon, that old grungy highway you used to be stuck taking will no longer be your only option. You'll be able to make a new choice, BEFORE reacting, which will in turn put you on a new journey—one of self-awareness and conscious choice rather than self-abandonment.


Ready to start catching yourself in the act? Let’s go!


What's next?


If you're like me and you like learning from other people's examples, stay tuned for my next Blog -part 3 of this self-abandonment series. There, I'll share one client's embodiment journey so that you can see how applying small changes got her big results.


And if you already know you want to go deeper and build your own embodied awareness, reach out. It's really hard to see those blind spots without someone else holding up a trained mirror. That's exactly what I offer: a chance to see what you've been missing and get personalized guidance to help you make & apply the changes you've been craving.


 

For more insights on this topic, follow me on Instagram or Facebook.


Book your complimentary Jumpstart session today to uncover the magic of your Somatic Superpower.




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© 2022 by Christianne Zurowski

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